25 Things I Have Learned In 40 Years!

Allah has blessed me to make it to 40! When I woke up on my 40^th birthday, I did not feel different. There was not this magical moment where things became clear or I wiser. But there have been many moments leading up to that day that helped me grow and thrive. I was appreciative, fortunate and blessed to have reached this point in good mental and physical health. Even though I recently hurt my back from sitting down wrong, I’m learning to appreciate what this 40-year-old body can do. I’m ready to push myself outside my boundaries while establishing boundaries in different relationships. I’m eager and determined to learn more about the world, interrelationships and myself to have less internal conflict, more happiness, and tolerance of others.

I wanted to take a moment from the hectic news cycle to share a few things I have learned along the way to 40. Please drop a line with some of the wisdom you have learned in your life. 

1. Focus on What You Can Control – This is major for me because I have an overanxious brain. But through therapy, I have learned to focus on what I can change and leave everything up to Allah. I cannot fix the world or other people, but I can change how I react to them.
2. Feel the Feelings – Another gem I learned in therapy. You should feel the feelings even the horrible sad ones. Life happens and sometimes it is painful, ugly, hurtful or sorrowful, by trying to ignore them, they do not go away but only prolong them. It is better to feel them, so you can deal with them.
3. Inside Energy Projects to Outside Behavior – Your positive or negative attitude can and will affect how you behave. Check your energy, adjust it before you actually wreck yourself.  
4. Self-Reflection – You are never too old or too wise for constant self-reflection. There is always room for growth and improvement.
5. Accountability – We are not perfect beings, you will make a mistake and when you to responsibility for that mistake and its effect on others. Accept responsibility for your actions and behaviors regardless of how it makes you feel. Acknowledge your behavior and try to do better, excuses do not make the situation or you better. 
6. Embrace Your Flaws – We all have them, and they make you who you are. Some flaws you can change and some you cannot. Work on changing the ones you can and accept the ones you cannot.
7. Allah’s Plan – We plan. Allah plans. And Allah is the best of planners. 
8. Know Your Truth – Not the one other people may present to you or about you, which may not be true. Know what you stand for and who you are. Learn what makes you angry, sad, loved, happy, fearful, and emotionally well.
9. Every Relationship Is Not Forever – Some relationships will last for weeks and some will last for years, regardless of the length of time, enjoy the experience. When the relationship ends appreciate the time that you spent with that person and not focusing on the ending.  
10. No – You have the right and power to say no. No to people, activities or interests that you do not want to engage in. 
11. Do You, Boo-Boo – Everyone is different, do no bend yourself to fit in with others. Embrace and love your differences. 
12. Give it to God – Learned this from my father. Sometimes things are too difficult for you to handle alone and that’s when you have to give it to God. Call out to him, give him your pain. If you do not have the words it is okay, cry out, He knows what is in your heart.
13. Some People are Horrible – Do not waste your time or energy dealing with hateful people. All you can do is limit your time away from them or remove them from your life. 
14. Always Carry a Book and a Reusable Water Bottle – You never know when you will get thirsty for water or for life.
15. Keep Your Business Out of the Street – With the popularity of social media, everyone overshares everything. There are some things, especially your sins, that should be private. Not everyone and their mother needs to know everything about you. 
16. Don’t Expect Anyone to Care For You More Then You Care For Yourself – No one is going to love you, as you love yourself so learn to love and care for yourself. 
17. Enjoy Your Own Company – Learn how to be comfortable sitting by yourself and with yourself without needing interactions from others, even those digital “friends”.
18. Haters Are Gonna Hate – There are just some people who always have a negative thing to say about everything. They went to school and got an advance degree in hating.  Identify these people in your circle and remove them from your life. 
19. Stay In Your Lane – Leave along that which does not concern you. 
20. Appreciate Your Blessings – No matter how hard your situation is there is always some blessing in it. Did you wake up today? Yes, then that is a blessing. Even in our current situation, there are some blessings to be found like the ability to spend more time with family.
21. You Are Not Alone – No matter what happens between folks, always remember you are loved by the Most-High and Most Loving, Allah.
22. Don’t Let a Lion Into Your Den – You, your space and house are your sanctuary, protect those spaces and only allow those who sincerely like and want the best for you into it. All others do not need access to you or your home.
23. Do Not Be Ashy – Don’t be shady and always wear lotion especially between the fingers and on your elbows.
24. Be Prepared to Fight – Sometimes you may have to fight for what you want and believe in. You have to fight for a promotion, your children’s well-being, yourself or your Islam. 
25. Old Folks Can Learn New Things – You are never too old nor is it too late to learn new concepts, information, materials, and activities. In the last 6 months, I have changed my hair, went back to school and started yoga. Some of these things I have succeeded at and some are a struggle, like yoga.